December 06, 2009
Disarm
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Austen wrote, "Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken."
Omission of words, a voice with a tone misguided, laughs that hide inconsolable sadness – they all disguise. But then there are smiles from the heart, and sighs that tell whole paragraphs…
How lucky we are to have someone from whom radiate little streams of truth, and with whom we share hope, expectations and uncertainties.
And above all else, love.
Posted by quickness at 10:12 PM | Comments (0)
December 25, 2007
Green Man
P, a friend of nearly 20 years, shared a house with four other close friends. They kept everything so tidy that I had to re-adjust my standards every time I stayed over. They scoff at the oh-so-very-clichéd ‘are you a teenager?’ theory of ‘organised chaos’. Square lines were always in parallel, or at an angle both logical and or in harmony with the qi of the house.
It was therefore illogical to lose something in the house. Being the scientists we were, everything had to be explained through theories. Being cult movie fans that we were, those theories weren’t always confined to the realms of science. P’s theory for items suddenly went missing and mysteriously reappearing was that little green men (not those ones with claws, red eyes and evil intent) had to borrow certain mugs, hairbrushes, books, microphones(!) for various reasons. Perhaps they needed an urgent hypersonic karaoke session, or perhaps they were just disorganized that they kept losing their own stuff. Those items were then duly returned when they found their own. The green men lived in another dimension and entered through small portals that appeared under beds at times when the air was still, when heartbeats were faint and the house unrealistically neat.
P’s Green Man theory withstood more challenges than the other flawed theories put forward over the years by different members of the household… and different green men continue to haunt our lives to this day.
Posted by quickness at 10:27 PM | Comments (1)
November 26, 2007
One Friday Afternoon
That Friday sunset came to visit some two years ago,
when this family went out to catch the last autumn glow,
once when never were we silly, for we were one and much much more,
a quiet promise never to let go, sound as the dream that brought us four.
Posted by quickness at 05:06 AM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2007
Come What May
Posted by quickness at 04:15 AM | Comments (0)
March 31, 2007
Hoy
October 6, 2006. 2:28 a.m. Then, cold, thinking of whether the packing will ever finish, how the kids will cope.
Now, kids coping. Warm, blue skies, long weekend. Impressed with this, liking this, having a headache from this , wishing I could go here. Frustrated at how my rss reader had somehow reset itself. Not reading the papers because there is nothing to read. Taking Nexium. Listening to the cheeky Lilly Allen, reading about Asia. Generally hunky dory.
Posted by quickness at 04:06 AM | Comments (0)
March 16, 2007
Happy Birthday
This space, the lighted pixels, the time spent, my thoughts, their thoughts, are for those who celebrate their birthdays this month.
Posted by quickness at 04:04 AM
March 14, 2007
Still, if I had to choose...
Four weeks ago when this was taken, the kids had just finished soaking in the sun and were wiping the sand off their wrinkly feet. It is much warmer now - the frequent rain storms that cooled February have now gone. It hadn’t rained for days. It’s a good time to wash the car. Summer says she's here; sundaes, and iced teas, and a fondness for more. I won’t want to be anywhere else.
Posted by quickness at 08:24 AM | Comments (2)
February 25, 2007
(Another) New Start
The Chinese New Year is the third New Year celebration in less than two months. For many procrastinators it also means the third and final chance to get moving on their New Year’s resolution. For many burdened by troubles it represents another new start when other New Years have failed to deliver its promise.
May the New Year bring with it good health and prosperity. May it also inspire you and give you the strength to fulfill all those promises you have made to yourself.
Posted by quickness at 04:29 AM | Comments (0)
February 21, 2007
Clarity
After feeling so uninspired today, I can only think of one image. Without any clear time reference of the file, it took me half an hour to find it in my archives.
Posted by quickness at 05:34 AM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2007
Away at home
You’ll settle down soon enough, E said, not realizing she had said those exact words a couple of months earlier.
After some constant insistence from N, we finally moved into the transit apartment we’ve been trying to occupy for a long time. Moving into transit apartments is never a good thing when you have actually reached your destination. It just took us about a month to find a place of our own in New York. And soon after, in just a couple of weeks, everything had found their own place.
It has now been about three months since we arrived, and we’re hit by the slowness of pace. Like the human body that had been hit by flu, e-ver-y-thing seemed sluggish, infected with malaise.
The kids are constantly confused about where home actually is. They go looking for their shoes when it is time for our guests to go, thinking they have to leave too. My socks do not travel the same way my work shirts do. My camera bag is in the bedroom, missing most of its contents.
Perhaps the biggest disappointment to not having a permanent place to stay is that though we have now physically returned back home, I can’t really be there – at least, not as much as I want to be, or not as much as I could be. Having to constantly switch places is like traveling through planes that require an incredible amount of effort to go across. And when you do get across, it takes time to gather yourself together.
Our transit apartment is a nice place to live, though I cannot imagine bringing our own furniture up three flights of stairs… only to move them out again in a couple of months. Space-wise, it’s about two to three times bigger than our last apartment, and had just recently renovated. Having just spent a few weeks, the space is still a bit bare, a bit too disinfected. Its character is derived from a cracked window, a small area of peeling paint, and minor blemishes, all amplified by the overall sterility of the surrounding.
We were nonetheless very lucky to even get the apartment - and it was not without help from people who understood, to whom we thank.
Now, instead of having to have to stay in two places, we have one. We still have a lot of stuff at our parents’ though. The boxes at mine’s are in the hundreds, many are still inaccessible, being stored too close to each other. I am not looking forward to going through the boxes when we finally move into a proper place – not with the very likely prospects of finding something broken in the trans-Atlantic shipment.
My boxes have been opened and resealed repeatedly. I do this to slowly get essentials from storage, just as I am slowly piecing together some of the pieces. Orphaned from home in our own home, we feel homesick.
Posted by quickness at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)
January 02, 2007
Have a good one...
Posted by quickness at 11:46 AM | Comments (1)
October 22, 2006
New Sparkler
Good to be finally in the process of starting to settle down. Life is still in between places, on pieces of paper, and still a long way from establishing routines.
More when time and space allow.
Posted by quickness at 03:06 PM | Comments (0)
September 29, 2006
Summer has ended (See you soon)
Posted by quickness at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
September 26, 2006
Photograph
If you've read the about page, you will know that I keep this site running mostly for those family members and friends with whom I have not had the chance to be in regular contact. I also do it for the kids who would in the future have access to cached records of them growing up, and of their surroundings.
One other reason that I have never mentioned, perhaps because it's more self-serving than anything else, is I use this site in lieu of real photos - sometimes. I carry with me a wallet-sized photo of the family that N printed before one of my trips a few years ago. But if you've ever been to my office, our apartment, or wherever I had been residing in a particular period of time, you won't find a photo hanging on the wall or framed on my desk, if not by the insistence of another. Which is a bit strange, I admit, for I enjoy photography, I enjoy holding prints, I enjoy looking at the reflection on the photo surface and the sense of permanence that it gives to a piece of memory. However, I can't, unless I am under pressure of time or request, seem to bring myself to have something printed and framed.
And for that reason, and because most places I'm at have good internet connection, I can easily access my files and pull up a photograph instantly, framed by the borders of the computer screen - according to the dimensions of my preference.
Posted by quickness at 08:49 PM | Comments (0)
September 09, 2006
One Moon
After an errand in Jersey that took much more time than we anticipated, we took the kids to look at the island where they grew up in. It was just getting dark and the small parks overlooking the view across the Hudson slowly filled with shadows and muted conversations. Azmina had just woken up from her nap and still had not warmed up to the idea. She had been bothered by a canker sore and had ealier told us that she won't be talking as much that day. Farizah was predictably happy to be in a space where she could be free to do her own thing. She quickly assimilated into the scene, playing and making friends with kids years older than her, simply by smiling, mimicking their actions and just by being honest.
Maybe because of the partial lunar eclipse that could be seen from other parts of the world, the moon has been bright yellow for the last few nights. I've no distinct memory that I can relate to the moment, except for a feeling that we were on the road the last time when it told us to slow down and remember things that are nearly forgotten. I think it was after our grocery shopping in Queens a couple of years ago with N when we stopped the car and looked at the same moon. And also during a long drive a few years earlier, back into the city in a van that I co-drived, with only the radio helping us to keep awake.
The people around us may change the same way songs on the radio change, but regardless of how far we think we are from home, all of us are still looking at the same moon.
Posted by quickness at 11:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 06, 2006
Only a matter of weeks now...
Posted by quickness at 11:58 PM | Comments (0)
August 22, 2006
No Questions
Posted by quickness at 03:34 AM | Comments (0)
August 20, 2006
Banking on and on
The bank that I am with would not allow me to use my current signature for the purpose of signing cheques.
I had no problem with my previous bank but because of obscene charges and for convenience sake, I said goodbye. My current bank, however, insists that I use the signature in my passport – the same signature I used for my earlier passport I used when I was 16. 16 was the age when I left home. It was when my signature looked like a graffiti-tag most of the time, and an untidy turban during other times. It had confused and drew attention from bank officials during my university days and it prompted the change.
It had earlier caused a problem when my bank near my parent’s place refused a withdrawal request because my attempts at recreating the signature wasn’t to their standard. I had offered my identity card, my passport, and my readiness to provide prints of all my 20 digits. They took me to a corner and asked for additional samples for verification, which required 5-10 minutes each time, before they said it wasn’t approved. Finally the manager came and got me to provide samples in her office. Failing to get the desired results, she got a portable black light machine to show me my signature in my little 5-year old bankbook. She asked me to memorize what I saw and replicate it in at least one of the many withdrawal slips they had set aside for my mistakes. Predictably, I failed, again. And again. And she reluctantly held the invisible signature under the black light until I finally succeeded in replicating the perfect confused turban that held me for an hour.
Several years later, I was told to get a new passport, and the officials insisted that I use my problematic signature. And I thought had never had to use it since.
And because this is America – the land to which smart people flock, I thought people can be smart enough to look pass the silliness. But, now I dread that time of the month when I have to sign those cheques. I take out a blank sheet of paper and practice until my failure rate goes down to about 10%.
We’re moving out of the city soon, and I now look forward to closing that bank account.
Posted by quickness at 03:34 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 17, 2006
Addiction
If you're buying a dSLR, wait for a few days when Canon is expected to announce what was rumoured to be no less than a new beginning. I am with Bob Atkins with this one, Canon's main announcement would involve the EOS 1D - something that is way out of my budget, and way out of my current needs. Speaking of those that I could not afford, when is L glass not an L? When it is cased in plastic of course!!
Anyway, even though icecream isn't one of Farizah's favourites, she has an intense affinity to chocolate. Like her sister, she has inherited that gene that would allow an adult to consume a 2.2 lb chocolate bar within half a day. I thought of coating their vegetables with chocolate, but I know they would just lick the coating off before telling us not to waste good chocolate on vegetables.
Posted by quickness at 11:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 12, 2006
FDR River
When I was a student, I knew two persons who rented rooms in the basement. I thought if spirits wandered six feet underground, their rooms would get more unseen traffic than those of their other housemates.
Posted by quickness at 12:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 20, 2006
Old moon fades into the new
Long overdue congratulations to those who received awards last weekend. We were obviously not able to express our congratulations in person due to geographical reasons, but know that we were rooting for everyone we knew in front of the large projector we hooked up to display the net-broadcast.
Our best expression of congratulations also to M and R, for the birth of their first daughter. We are also very happy for RD and Dr. J who received the same blessing a few days later.
We hope to see everyone before year-end.
(Photos are from the 4th of July fireworks display on the East River.)
Posted by quickness at 10:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 19, 2006
About last night
I had just returned from a trip yesterday evening, when I came home and checked on the kids.
They were ready for bed, but Azmina wasn’t sleepy and asked me if she could join me out in the living room. I said yes, but I told her we were not to watch any kids stuff or listen to any kids music. She understood and stood quietly next to me watching the news.
What was happening and what was shown in the news were just not right. I wandered off when a CNN reporter was using words like “obviously” to describe something that had not been properly verified.
Unlike the time when Azmina and I were watching the Katrina coverage on the late news, I didn’t offer any explanation. I know her mom won’t like it very much if I had troubled her little mind this late at night. I instead asked her if she wanted me to read anything to her that night. She got me to go through a total of four short stories before she decided it was time to go to bed.
Azmina has been a source of calm as of late. We would sit together and without cue or explanation, she would give a kiss on the cheek. When she asks me if we could dance to Old MacDonald on my notebook, I’d say I don’t have it anymore, and she’d be happy to dance to Brazilian Girls or Si*Se.
Picture taken last July in Berlin shows Azmina with Sulha, who is our friends’, Kas’s and Bob’s, daughter. Azmina had been forever fascinated with leaves and flowers regardless if they were fresh or dried. Sulha, her new friend, was just pleased that she could blow bubbles with something that she can hang around her heck.
Posted by quickness at 10:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 21, 2006
Soccerrisms in the World Cup
A few phrases thrown in by American commentators in the world cup:
- Looking to switch it
- Are you kidding me baby?
- Yeah baby
- They hit ‘em with a touchdown (on Argentina’s 6-0 win against Serbia Montenegro)
- Who needs a midfield when you can punt like that?
And yes, watching the US play against Italy with American commentators in the background is like watching Fox News covering the war. If knowledge equates wealth, then, compared to real football commentators, the pair of O’Brian and Balboa on ESPN is like a skint undergraduate who can’t afford new socks. It comes unnatural to them as it is for most of us hearing the word soccer from non-Americans on American TV. And we definitely don’t need to listen to Balboa’s yeehaw attitude in ANY game, it just shuts out all chances of empathy for the team he once captained.
Posted by quickness at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 08, 2006
Waiting for nothing
Spending the rainy afternoon indoors, listening to old MC Solaar, reading why megapixel envy is sometimes unfounded, about the seven levels of photography, about Suzanne Vega's recent marriage in February, about the engagement of a food blogger, and spending time in front of my newly calibrated monitor. Confined to this small space, I didn't think it would have mattered much if we were somewhere else. Well - as long as I have my muses, access to Colombian coffee, a view of people caught in the rain, the knowledge that our 843-acre backyard is just a ten-minute walk away, and great pizza just across the street. We could go out for ice cream, but we chose not to. We could stroll along the East River, but we thought not today. Being together is a luxury that I've realised not to be taken for granted. And today, we simply chose to be indoors.
The kids didn't seem to mind, both managing naps - a sign of a good day. Loaded with oreos, they wore themselves out running around the apartment. Nothing broke. Azmina had a craving for brocolli and it quickly became an excuse to go to the supermarket in the rain. She ended up having a tomato instead, prefering that to carefully butter-sauteed brocolli. We continue to be amused by Farizah's use of "thank keww" as an expression of appreciation, and by the kids' helplessness after given a thorough tickle.
Posted by quickness at 04:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 04, 2006
Sunrise, sunrise...
Never mind the sudden hike in temperature before its equally abrupt fall. The flowers are here and they really do increase the overall quality of life. Strangers in elevators greet like they would in a small town. Friends who can't stop for a conversation are more animated in their gestures. A teller in a cafeteria I frequent sang a quiet tune in falsetto. They started to serve my favourite pasta lunch. Office windows turned dark much earlier than usual. Drivers more refrained for a Monday in the city. Buses are regular, and so are its commuters. A leapord print umbrella popped unintentionally, drawing attention to a fellow commuter's matching outfit. At home, the kiddies laughed some of their hardest laughs.
All that. Because. The flowers are here.
Posted by quickness at 01:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 28, 2006
Feelgood
I haven’t tried my hand at capturing and editing video from television or regular video, but I imagine the skills of the common man have improved drastically due to these wonderful, wonderful joys:
The world cup;
Car videos; and
Mélissa Theuriau.
Posted by quickness at 11:35 AM | Comments (0)
January 25, 2006
I'm sorry
Through what was mostly my fault, Azmina didn't go to school today.
One may find that I seem to be making too much of a deal out of it, but most don't know how much school means to her.
I have the kind of conscience that irreversibly burns past avoidable mistakes into memory. When I was five, I stole a classmate's eraser. It was green and had a shape of a robot, with horns. Everytime I pass through the small town where my friend used live in, I think about that incident. I think it was some time before 2000, when I finally met this old classmate of mine, and I apologised within the first hour of meeting him. He laughed and said it was ok, but I still thought I didn't do, and could never have done, enough. He was probably six when I took his prized eraser. It might have cost 30 cents back in the day, but my friend was no longer the six year old that I wanted to apologise to. That six year old would have wanted it back.
Being a parent brings clarity to a lot of things. I see now the full extent of the sacrifices made by my own parents. I have a sudden urge to apologise for the many times that I made them worry. I wanted to apologise for the time when I ran away from a clinic just as the doctor was administering a routine shot. I was seven at the time. My father ran trying to catch me, but I was already a block ahead. My mother mirrored his expression of panic as I reached a main road. I slowed down and let my old man catch up. And I thank them for not giving me a hard time that day.
Being a parent forces me to address matters as they appear. Ignoring them would mean failing them and failing myself. I know it needs careful balance, and I can never be there for them all the time, but I am learning. And I am trying as hard as I can.
Posted by quickness at 12:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 01, 2006
New Year
Have a Happy 2006.
Posted by quickness at 02:26 PM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2005
Nearly gone
Originally destined for the trash, I kept this because this shows I wasn't invisible that particular time when I wanted to. The other reason was the smile - even the smallest of things could make a difference.
Posted by quickness at 01:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 19, 2005
Arriving late, but with a bite
The wintery weather that is.
Posted by quickness at 02:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 18, 2005
Preview panes are for people with a lot of spare time
Here’s an idea on how you could send emails directly to my trash folder.
Associate your email address with a stranger’s name and add numbers as part of your name. Ignore putting a subject line, and send it to my work inbox.
Posted by quickness at 01:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 07, 2005
Leading me to a place where I find peace
Posted by quickness at 06:46 AM | Comments (0)
October 04, 2005
I would therefore take care of my 3rd Gen iPod so that my first born could use it until she makes her own money
I’ve been able to refrain myself from wanting the ipod nano. I’ve held the nano with my own hands, but there was just no magic. Still, I think it would do well, so well that the word nano has become a noun in some conversations that I’ve had. I still have my 3rd Gen iPod and apart from being unable to hold a charge for more than 4 hours, I don’t see any reason to fondle with the touch wheel of another.
And I am quite over the 5D. It’s still too much dough and I am not even going to bother saving for it. I probably could get it in a few months now that I have decided not to renew the auto insurance. I wished we were living in a civilized civilization, where my insurance broker would get 5,000 years in hell for charging an obscene amount of money after all these years. During the three years I was with them, no one I knew had a higher rate. If there was a water cooler conversation about self-ownage, I’d probably trump other people’s cards easily. I’d win, easy. It’d be embarrassing, but I’d win.
So, the car is currently without insurance and in storage. For the past year, we’ve been getting by without using the car most of the time. Public transport might not be as good as many European cities, but it’s not bad. Strollers might be difficult when it comes to a few subway stations, otherwise we found it convenient enough for most destinations in all the 5 boroughs. The bus to the Bronx Zoo took half an hour each way, $5 per adult. No parking hassles or worries of getting lost. I could be my manly self by not asking for directions. Much less time and stress than it took when the car was available. The only reason I can think of for having the car was probably because I wanted to drive. Now, I am over that too.
The question of need is entirely different. I need a new hard drive for my notebook to replace the one that had died last night. The constantly growing kids need new clothes for the winter. There are infinitely many more things that are more important than my own needs, so I thank God that the kids don’t need the nano just yet. There was a time when nano was only a prefix, or half of a phrase that someone named Mork used to say. It was a time when we had wanted many things that other people found indispensable, but we were taught to cope. So the want never became a need and we turned out just fine despite the many shortcomings. And so the time-tested values that we’ve been taught then would become a question of need for my kids. I hope that they would turn out ok.
Note:
Pending the arrival of my new hard drive and possible upgrade to Mac OS X Tiger, today's post will have no accompanying photo.
Posted by quickness at 06:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 29, 2005
Another day's worry
Apart from being bald soon after we shaved her head, Farizah had never had a bad hair day. I think the short hair suits her well. She's quite rebellious when she doesn't get her way, which have left me dreading the time when we need to give her a haircut.
No matter what the outcome of her first haircut, she can be sure that it would be documented. And when she learns how to surf the web when she's three, she will have the option of telling us how, or how not to, cut her hair.
Posted by quickness at 03:28 AM | Comments (0)
August 26, 2005
You and me, and all of the people
It could be a song, it could be a thought, or even another image. Whatever its manifestation, a vivid image can replay itself out of nowhere, initiating a series of physiological responses that can nearly be duplicated by nicotine.
Ever since I've started taking photos by the hundreds, I could remember specific moments in time through the perspective of a lens. Like having a song ringing in one's head, I would look for a specific image in my archives hoping that expectations are met. And what's more, it doesn't have to conform to any standard of perfection.
Note:
Above photo from set found in here, here, here, and here. Well, maybe here.
Posted by quickness at 05:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 13, 2005
I got 5
I’ve been looking at rumors of the EOS 5D that have come up over the last few weeks. Pictures of the new camera body had been floating around for several days now, there’s even a pdf spec sheet. Nobody knows if any of it is true, but people have started drooling.
I don’t need a full frame sensor. I don’t need better dynamic range, if indeed that’s what the 5D is offering. I don’t need low noise at high iso’s. I also don’t need a lot of other stuff. I don’t need a car with 19 inch wheels, one that can shift gears in less than a tenth of a second. Or the way-too-expensive-for-me 35 1.2L, or the possibly-affordable-in-less-than-a-year 200 2.8L. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting them badly.
My 10D has served me well. The LCD screen is cracked in 17 places but it works. The sticky shutter isn’t sticky anymore. The 20D is too close to the 10D for my type of use. And it’s not like I’d have the time moonlighting as a photographer – I don’t even consider myself to be even an amateur. So for a hobbyist, a 5D won’t be able to pay for itself in the future.
But after all that. Ultimately. And we all know this. Acceptance would come after denial.
I know that if I can't take good pictures with what I have now, I'll never take good ones no matter what the camera is.
Nevertheless, I feel dehydrated.
Posted by quickness at 06:48 PM | Comments (0)
August 08, 2005
Je suis libre ce soir
I am in a predicament.
I can't process/edit hundreds of photos that I have currently backlogged if I have no assurance that I'd post them here.
I don't feel I can post those photos here without something to write about.
And I can't write without having that (related / pseudo-related) photo in front of me.
I think it's the way that this site/project has evolved. Most of the entries here have meaningful (atleast to me) photos AND text, which may or may not be related to each other.
Being unable to translate a mood, a thought, a memory or an inspiration into BOTH photos and words, would mean a serious disconnect between intent and consummation, which we all know would lead to serious health problems.
Posted by quickness at 03:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 05, 2005
Aries Iscariot
I have just remembered that it has been 8 years and one day since I started having a proper job. I have promised myself not to talk about work on this site so, there isn't much to say, except that it doesn't mean much - it only says I am no longer young.
Posted by quickness at 10:14 AM | Comments (0)
June 16, 2005
Untitled
It has been nearly a week since we've been home. This tiredness will not stop. The kids have not really recovered from their jetlag. Last night Farizah slept at 3 am and woke this morning at 6. Azmina was sleeping during dinner time last night and woke up at around 2 am asking for a lollipop, cheerios, cake, bread, apple juice and rice - in that order. In the middle of all that crying, she wanted to go out and watch the birds.
If there's a way to keep the US Eastern Time ticking in our bodies by the time we return to New York in a few weeks, this would be it.
(I have not shot anything significant in the past week, so, it seems that I'll use photos from the archives)
Posted by quickness at 08:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 31, 2005
Speed of Sound
I didn't talk to these men, but if I did, I would've asked them what actually mattered to them in the end.
Posted by quickness at 06:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 24, 2005
Better than astroprojection
No matter how hard it has been for anyone, or how hard someone has been trying, chances are, someone else has had it worse, or someone else has been trying that extra bit harder.
I know of people who has been office bound for months at a time, enjoying few quiet sporadic weekends here and there, just enough to keep their sanity.
Here's to those, whose hard work makes everything a lot better for all of us.
Posted by quickness at 06:57 AM | Comments (1)
May 22, 2005
And the rest will follow
Posted by quickness at 06:07 PM | Comments (0)
May 20, 2005
20 Someones in 20 Somewheres
Someone, somewhere, is:
- living the awkward moments of Mr. Brightside;
- forwarding an e-mail he/she thinks is funny;
- laughing at an e-mail that he/she just received, agreeing it was funny;
- passionately pursuing an elusive passion;
- running empty on gas, on creative juices;
- processing a photo on photoshop of someone taking a photo of someone else;
- intoxicated by the perfume of a stranger;
- experiencing something for the first time;
- thinking it's too late to turn back and start again;
- thinking of something to say, something comforting, something sympathetic;
- listening to her iPod not noticing 8 others in the same bus;
- selling his belongings to help pay his mounting debt;
- is expecting to have lunch, dinner and boundless pleasures, before retiring at 6 a.m. the following day;
- thinking of removing the tattoo on her lower back she had done in 2002;
- leaving someone;
- taking advantage of a vulnerability;
- is tired after carrying her child to daycare, the stroller broken at home, and despite having 2 jobs, cannot afford a new one;
- thinks he could sing;
- is having his sincerity tested, and eventually doubted;
- spent.
Posted by quickness at 10:44 AM | Comments (1)
April 26, 2005
Never Be
There are a few things that are quite impossible for me to do even if my life or my livelihood depended on it.
I know much depends on a person's will. It was an elderly person who once asked me… o' little grasshopper, which do you think is stronger, will or steel?
That question kept ringing in my head as I thought of how I could not sing like everybody else. It seems that almost everyone I know could easily grab a mic and put up a decent performance. But even with machines that are supposed to make karaoke kings out of anyone, my powers to stop happening parties to a screeching halt, would easily prevail. I have tried singing in the car and I end up thinking, goodness, please stop. I think the closest comparisons to how hard it is for me would be executing something like that perfect bowling throw, that dipping goal-scoring free-kick, that multiple-hit connecting combo in your video game, that perfect composition and exposure of every jpeg in your 2 Gb Microdrive containing all your holidays snaps. Implementation is lacking and inefficient - useless even with the precise of all mathematical equations. I just don't have the tools to do it - I end up feeling like a 486 with 8 MB of RAM running the latest version of Photoshop on XP.
I do think that there's enough strength in my conviction to sing. But I also think that there's a reason why prisons had been able to contain criminals for centuries.
Posted by quickness at 02:11 AM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2005
Non-building blocks
Photo block is depressing. Nothing clinical about that description, but it's just is.
Having a sticky shutter doesn't help, but I am sure that it is not to blame since I think the camera behaves the way it's supposed to most of the time. When you're careful about everything and you don't get what you want, you tend to shoot hundreds of careless compositions.
Don't ask me why, but I set the camera settings to iso 800 and forgot to change it back. I think it was after 40-50 shots that I realised my mistake and I couldn't be bothered to redo them. It's the overcast days and high contrast lighting that's playing with me. Maybe I need to do some indoor shots. Somthing not in the apartment. Something with large spaces. Something very touristy. Something that can push that reset button.
Posted by quickness at 11:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 11, 2005
Mumm-Wraath de Otis
I just had to write this.
It is one of the trivial things that I would easily forget, but once it’s here, it’ll become a thought immortalized.
This morning, being just on time leaving from the apartment, the elevator I called had 4 people and a twin stroller.
I took off my iPod headphones, like one does when entering a small public area of one’s apartment building, to exchange hello's and good morning's. I had managed to put myself in front of the only man in the lift, and next to the stroller, when the mother of two said, “Seriously…”.
Now I don’t know this woman even though I have seen her before. And I’ve never seen her talk to anyone, but I thought, she's talking - she might have grown some people skills.
I was satisfied that no part of my body or my clothing had touched anyone or anything when going in, and the elevator door could easily close with my skinny-self in, when she made it clear that she was talking to me.
“Could you wait for the next elevator?”, she continued. She wasn’t even looking at me properly.
I stepped out.
I could have said, “Oh I should have brought my 2 babies into the lift next time”. Or “There is a bigger reason why I am not in this elevator, I wish you, you and you a safe day”, while ignoring the woman. Expletives wouldn’t have been appropriate even in the presence of children spawned by the most evil of beings.
But as I stepped out, the other people in the elevator looked at each other and had already validated my opinions of this woman. I was happy to ignore her and give her that satisfaction. If she’s the least bit human, she'll wonder why people think of her in such an unfavourable way. If not, then, I suppose she is that counterpoising element in the human gene pool, inhibiting our ability to acquire world peace and inter-galactic travel.
I couldn’t really wish any ill-fate or harm to fall on her – she is after all, a mother of two small children. Even if I only pray for a painful abcess, I fear she might take it out on someone else other than herself.
I think a lot of people have used their children to get some sort of special treatment. I’m not saying that one shouldn’t give his or her seat on the bus for people with children, or (reasonably) make way for strollers in the subway, but some people really get out of their way to adopt this “I have children, you don’t know anything, and everyone else is an imbecile and has less rights than I” attitude.
I am a parent of two beautiful and smart children. I am happy most of the time. But I am embarrassed to be associated with people like Mumm-Wraath de Otis, self-appointed schmuck Queen of Elevators.
Posted by quickness at 10:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 02, 2005
Still Migrating
I cannot believe it took me 3 days to figure out how the "posted by" field in c.content behaves. I have been looking at the main templates for the first two days, trying to figure out how I can modify the author field. Last night I went straight to the individual archive files and thought that the best way was to actually modify every archive file, while thinking that the new main index template will take care of future entries. Fortunately, looking at the html source knocked me out.
It was only today that I saw another set of templates for archives and learnt that you could change the author name to a nick name.
It feels like Movable Type is wearing a "You Suck" t-shirt and it's forcing me to look.
On another matter, because the two babies are again behaving like a couple of newborns, N decided to cancel our earlier plan to visit the Fulton Fish Market at 2am. It worked out well since it had just started to rain heavily and we could have been stuck or trapped by this spring rain in this awkward hour.
Posted by quickness at 03:08 AM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2005
Migrating
I have just migrated from Typepad to Movable Type... well... I'm not sure if I could actually say that - I am still migrating to MT. My Typepad account is still active, and would be for another month, since I was silly enough not to export my blog to my computer before the trial period ended.
I have no experience in html but I like to think that I could do this sort of stuff if I put my mind to it. And since I had become a little familiar to the interface in Typepad, I told myself, why not.
The first thing that I asked myself when creating the most simple of layout was, "What the hell is CSS, and why can't its code be used for the RSS? And what's RSS anyway????".
A day and few hours into setting things up, I am starting to wonder if I've made the right decision.
Posted by quickness at 10:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 22, 2005
Purple Tuesday
Out of the seven days in a week, Tuesdays are my least favourite. Mondays are okay - most of us are still figuring out the week. Even if you stayed up all night on Sunday, the following Tuesday would invariably be worst than Monday. The next weekend could seem 6 million weeks away.
But when you are leaving the apartment with this image in your head, who needs meds?
Posted by quickness at 10:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 17, 2005
BBoys on 5th
The New York Times ran an article a few weeks ago on "issei" or japanese immigrants, who have found their place in the Big Apple. One of the persons featured was 26 year-old Kumi Naito from Nagoya, Japan, pictured above in the red jump suit, known simply as Q in the Float Committee crew.
I have always wondered if I could have been succesful if I was born in a different time, or in another place. I imagine a place where brawn is an essential quality. Or a situation where I've lost everything, including the memory and that piece of paper that says I have an education. Every time I witness a glimpse of a different life, I wonder if I could have done the same under similar circumstances. I wonder if I have the courage to gamble the clothes on my back for something more.
Not that it has been easy for me to get here, nor was it impossible. My grandfather led a nomadic life till he married my grandmother. My grandmother was born to parents who left their homeland in search of a better life. So far, I am lucky enough for not having to make a decision that could drastically change my life. Everything seemed natural enough. Even not staying in the same postal address for more than 2 years at a time since I was 16 seemed natural.
Until that time when I face and pass that test that would require me to make such jump, I'll continue to admire people like members in the Float Committee, for their zest, their energy and their attitude towards life.
Posted by quickness at 03:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 12, 2005
Tape Loop
I was listening to Frou Frou's "Let Go" all day yesterday. My iTunes registered 173 plays for that song alone.
I think we get some sort of satisfaction with having loops. Start one, hope it gets going. If it doesnt, then a complete loop is good loop. Move on to other loops.
There is calm and comfort in predictability I seek. There is no anxiety in knowing if you're well-prepared.
Posted by quickness at 10:22 AM | Comments (0)
March 10, 2005
Sticky Matter
Not another post about The Gates.
Well, it's not. Even though what you see above is the material that was used.
This post is about the camera that I'm using now. I have lost numerous shots... hundreds maybe; because of what I think might be a sticky shutter. The camera works fine 90% of the time, but the other 10%, it gives totally black images, or cuts off the lower and upper quarters with black borders. Most occur outside in the winter cold.
I'd switch the camera off and on, only to be faced with the same situation in a few seconds, or if I am lucky, in a few minutes. I would also get an "Err99" message. I've contemplated sending it to Canon, but I am sure that they would find fault on the fact that I've previously dropped the camera a few months ago, cracking the LCD screen in 17 places. And I'd be camera-less in the mean time for nearly a month, before receiving a bill for no less than a few hundred dollars.
Posted by quickness at 12:00 AM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2005
Lesson in Blue Gum
No matter how bored you are sitting alone at work, NEVER even think of playing around with blue coloured chewing gum by sticking it on your front teeth.
You WILL forget that little bits of blue gum WILL decide to stay ON and BETWEEN your teeth.
Someone who you’d want to have high regards of yourself WILL come along and say hi and start a long conversation.
Posted by quickness at 07:27 PM | Comments (1)
February 22, 2005
Blessing
I've been kicking myself for not being able to go out much during the long weekend. I went out, today, during PRESIDENT'S DAY only to be INDOORS FOR EIGHT HOURS. Eight hours represents almost the total amount of light you get in a day at this time of year. Blessed is he who could enjoy the holiday Monday filling up compact flash cards and draining batteries in the outside cold.
In what's left of the long weekend, I did, however, manage to spend some time with the kids. I also made a few pathetic attempts distract myself of the day. And if you're wondering how the above set of pictures is related, the simple act of sneezing is considered a blessing in some cultures, in others, it's something that is in need of a blessing. Still not convinced that it's relevant? Neither am I. It's one of those thoughts that form a series of non-ideas that follow no logical sequence.
Posted by quickness at 01:42 AM | Comments (0)
February 20, 2005
The Smile That Tells You Where You Are From
I learned today that, our smiles can tell a lot about ourselves: the situation that we are in, our culture, and a few other variables. The UK Times article, from which I shamelessly copied the title from, had immediately reminded me of what happened just 5 days earlier.
It's not that hard to know what Azmina's thinking at any one time. At times you understand why, and countless other times, you wonder what you had done wrong in the previous life.
I was just examining photos I had just taken when Azmina found a bottle of lotion, and apparently squeezed the living daylights of a once healthy bottle of moisture-giving richness, into a tiny area that is her face. Most of the lotion had already been absorbed into her skin by the time I found out.
Azmina didn't say anything when I saw her guilty as that day when she grabbed a pen and proceeded to practice her graffiti tag on the couch and the coffee-table. Just that long confident grin. And what do I do after I saw her "I've done my worst and there's nothing you could do about it now" grin? I could contact the British Times to tell them of my discovery. I could assess further damages. But I figured what was broken would stay broken anyway, so I took a few shots to add to my collection of evidence that I hoped could build a case for some kind of compensation when she makes her own money.
Posted by quickness at 12:26 PM | Comments (0)
February 04, 2005
Pure Disco
I have nearly 2,000 songs in my iPod and when I set it to shuffle, it sometimes gives me oldies...oldies, but definitely goodies...
The question I face today is, how do I sing out Abba's chorus line to "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" without suspiciously "showing cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement"?
Posted by quickness at 06:10 PM | Comments (0)
February 02, 2005
General feeling of malaise
A friend asked me today how we could manage with Azmina and Farizah.
Last weekend, we managed to do some shopping chores. Put in a few entries in my blog. Had a walk in the Upper East Side Area. Bought cupcakes. That's it really. Not as much as we wanted to do. I was up Sunday and Monday night because some of us chose those weeknights to have difficulty sleeping. Read my papers, did some writing. And if I remember correctly, N and I haven't had uninterrupted sleep for weeks now.
Time, especially weekends, is very precious. That's when I can catch up with my own stuff, breathe in my own corner, even for a few minutes each time. I have around 5 books scattered around the apartment, in every possible place where I could spend more than a minute. Still, I think I've at best read 15 paragraphs from those books in the last 4 days. I haven't even watched recorded shows on the TiVo for several weeks now.
The lethargy and simply being uninspired, had become a cancer to my shrinking spare time.
I know I should get to work a few hours early tomorrow and steal some spare time during lunch to shoot some photos, but I know that I'd wake up at the regular time and that the M15 bus would be late.
Posted by quickness at 03:45 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Thinking
How can something with simple needs, require a complex response?
Posted by quickness at 02:03 AM
January 30, 2005
Frozen
Sometimes I think that last weekend's blizzard was not at all fair. For the amount of suffering that followed the blizzard, we didn't really have THAT much snow. Not when you compare it with the blizzard of 2002. There hasn't been any snowfall after this year's blizzard, and the period of time when the snow was fun and pretty was quite short. Blink, and you'll miss it. It was gone in a few days. The freezing temperature however, meant that the snow (now turned to ice) stayed on for several days. Buses were late in the beginning of the work week, sidewalks slippery and narrowed because of the ice, and the temperature was steadily going down. It was 5 degrees Farenheit when I left for work on Thursday. At a temperature nearly 30 degrees below freezing, you can even see a pigeon's breath. And the M15 express bus, was faithfully late, freezing the behinds of irate commuters.
Piture above is taken today. It shows a frozen lake in central park. More snow please.
Posted by quickness at 02:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 27, 2005
Sub-zero
How cold is it outside?
Colder than the time I walked into Starbucks and ordered a "Baaa-nana nut loaf".
Posted by quickness at 03:43 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Fish
People who know me can tell you that I don’t eat fish. It’s the regular cooked ones that can make me sick. I can take McDonald’s Fish Fillet easily, but not other kinds of fillet. Fish fingers are ok, while fish cakes are not. Too fishy if you ask me.
I can actually take cooked salmon, but it would usually mean that I would have to stay off fish for about a month or so, to recover.
I am not sure whether I could actually enjoy this.
Grilled Salmon.
Put in hot grill / pan / skillet thing. Grill for a few minutes making sure not to overcook. Put in some chopped red shallots in skillet.
Posted by quickness at 01:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack