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January 25, 2006
I'm sorry
Through what was mostly my fault, Azmina didn't go to school today.
One may find that I seem to be making too much of a deal out of it, but most don't know how much school means to her.
I have the kind of conscience that irreversibly burns past avoidable mistakes into memory. When I was five, I stole a classmate's eraser. It was green and had a shape of a robot, with horns. Everytime I pass through the small town where my friend used live in, I think about that incident. I think it was some time before 2000, when I finally met this old classmate of mine, and I apologised within the first hour of meeting him. He laughed and said it was ok, but I still thought I didn't do, and could never have done, enough. He was probably six when I took his prized eraser. It might have cost 30 cents back in the day, but my friend was no longer the six year old that I wanted to apologise to. That six year old would have wanted it back.
Being a parent brings clarity to a lot of things. I see now the full extent of the sacrifices made by my own parents. I have a sudden urge to apologise for the many times that I made them worry. I wanted to apologise for the time when I ran away from a clinic just as the doctor was administering a routine shot. I was seven at the time. My father ran trying to catch me, but I was already a block ahead. My mother mirrored his expression of panic as I reached a main road. I slowed down and let my old man catch up. And I thank them for not giving me a hard time that day.
Being a parent forces me to address matters as they appear. Ignoring them would mean failing them and failing myself. I know it needs careful balance, and I can never be there for them all the time, but I am learning. And I am trying as hard as I can.
Posted by quickness at January 25, 2006 12:11 PM
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